CIGARETTE
PAGE ONE
Six panels all the same size in a three by two pattern.
1)
We see a classroom with a teacher talking. This is at an awkward angle so we can also see JOE sitting drawing a picture of the same teacher with his head in a microwave. He is sitting in a middle row.
TIME CAPTION
3.24
SOUND CAPTION
Bzzzzt.
2)
This shows JOE’S mobile screen. The text reads.
FROM: ELLEN
SMOKE DURING GAMES?
3)
The number keys on the phone with JOE’s fingers on top of them, obviously texting a reply.
4)
The finished text message. It reads:
TO: ELLEN
YEH. SURE. MEET U @ THE GATES 4ISH
5)
JOE stands waiting at the gate. This is the first time we see him in full. He’s sixteen, tall and plump with messy blonde hair. He’s wearing the school games uniform and looking very uncomfortable in it. He’s also wearing converses. He looks impatient.
TIME CAPTION
4.03
6)
A shadowed figure walks towards the gate. We’re looking at the back of said shadowed figure who’s in the foreground and JOE is in the background. He’s smiling.
PAGE TWO
6 panels. The first two go horizontally across the page but the second is bigger. Then there are three panels side by side then another horizontal panel the same size as the first.
1)
We see ELLEN head on. She’s medium height, thin, long black hair. She has jeans and a FUCK ME I’M NORTHERN IRISH T-SHIRT on. We see the back of JOE’S head. She’s almost reached him.
ELLEN DIALOGUE
Let’s go Average Joe.
JOE DIALOGUE
You know that gets funnier every time you say it!
2)
They both walk through the gate beside one another. Their hands don’t quite touch. They aren’t boyfriend and girlfriend. This is where we would have the credits.
ELLEN DIALOGUE
Well I’d better keep on saying it if its making you laugh so much.
3)
Close up on cigarette packet. It’s a packet of Pall Mall Blue. Its open with two cigarettes extended outwards.
JOE DIALOGUE
Cigarette.
4)
Close up on lighter. Its one of those shitty little lighters that only works once. The flame is coming out of it.
ELLEN DIALOGUE
Don’t mind if I do!
5)
This shows ELLEN with two cigarettes in her mouth. Both are lit. She doesn’t have large lips but they’re very red.
6)
She has passed over the cigarette to JOE who’s putting it up to his mouth.
JOE DIALOGUE
Mmm. Tastes like cherry.
ELLEN DIALOGUE
It’s my lip salve.
JOE DIALOGUE
Tastes good.
ELLEN DIALOGUE
Well at least someone appreciates it!
ELLEN DIALOGUE
Fucking Jake. All he wants is my virginity.
JOE THOUGHT
Jake’s her cunt boyfriend.
JOE THOUGHT
He’s fucking someone else and its becoming the elephant in the room in our chats.
PAGE THREE
11 panels. There should be twelve in a three by four row but in the second line of panels two panels become one.
1)
ELLEN smoking. They are both sitting on a low wall now and behind them is a housing estate with a little green. The green should have a football field as later in the story children begin to play on it. She’s turned slightly towards JOE on her right.
ELLEN DIALOGUE
So you missed the party on Saturday.
2)
JOE sitting cigarette pointed down. He doesn’t look that bothered.
JOE DIALOGUE
I never end up going to those things.
3)
This is a cigarette that has just been lit up. This is a recurring panel showing the cigarette going down as it’s smoked.
4)
Both of them sit. JOE looks slightly upset.
ELLEN DIALOGUE
You didn’t miss much.
Dexter tried to get with Nathalie and Jake and I almost had sex but his condom broke luckily.
JOE DIALOGUE
…
5)
Cigarette slightly smoked.
6)
JOE looking recovered.
JOE DIALOGUE
I bought my first packet of condoms last week.
7)
Body shot of ELLEN. She looks bemused
ELLEN DIALOGUE
So… have you had a posh wank yet?
JOE DIALOGUE
What’s that?
ELLEN DIALOGUE
It’s where you wank with a condom on. Guys normally do it once.
8)
Cigarette semi smoked.
9)
JOE laughing.
JOE THOUGHT
Yes I have.
JOE DIALOGUE
Ha! How the fuck do you know that?
10)
ELLEN looking embarrassed.
ELLEN DIALOGUE
… Urban dictionary.
JOE DIALOGUE
The source of all knowledge that teens or nosy parents need.
Learnt the word emo wank from that.
11)
ELLEN smiling.
ELLEN DIALOGUE
I suppose you were just wondering if there was a word for what you do before you go to sleep!
JOE DIALOGUE
Funny…
PAGE FOUR
Six panels in the same layout as page one
1)
Both of them are sitting. JOE’s head is turned towards ELLEN. He’s exhaling smoke.
JOE DIALOGUE
So why Jake?
ELLEN DIALOGUE
Do you mean why am I going out with Jake or why did his parents give him such a shitty name?
2)
Both are laughing.
JOE DIALOGUE
Well more the first one than the second.
ELLEN DIALOGUE
Well I kinda needed a boyfriend. I was getting lonely.
JOE DIAOGUE
So you chose him?
ELLEN DIALOGUE
Well… yeah. At the time it seemed like a good idea. He was sweet. I couldn’t see through his bullshit.
3)
ELLEN with a tear in her eye.
4)
JOE is putting out a hand to her.
ELLEN DIALOGUE
Don’t. Fucking don’t.
5)
JOE taking his hand back.
JOE DIALOGUE
So what about the new Placebo album. You saving up to buy it?
6)
ELLEN has recovered herself.
ELLEN DIALOGUE
Fuck it. I’ll just borrow it from you if that’s ok.
JOE DIALOGUE
Cool. It’s actually pretty good.
ELLEN DIALOGUE
What even better than Without You I’m Nothing?
JOE DIALOGUE
I’d go out on a limb and say yeah.
ELLEN DIALOGUE
I’ll have to listen and process my opinion!
PAGE FIVE
Eight panels. Same as last page but this time the third row has the two panels together.
1)
ELLEN looking left.
ELLEN DIALOGUE
Shit. Someone’s coming.
JOE DIALOGUE
Fuck!
Shit I can’t get caught smoking.
ELLEN DIALOGUE
You think I can?!
My father will kill me!
And you too. Probably with a shovel.
2)
Shot of someone coming closer.
JOE DIALOGUE
Panic over. Its only Alan Rickman.
ELLEN DIALOGUE
You gave me a fucking heart attack!
JOE DIALOGUE
You’re the one who pointed it out you hooer.
ELLEN DIALOGUE
Fuck you!
3)
Cigarette past the halfway point.
4)
ALAN RICKMAN passes in front of them.
JOE DIALOGUE
Would you like a cigarette Mr. Rickman?
5)
ALAN RICKMAN turns back.
ALAN RICKMAN DIALOGUE
No thank you. I have to keep going.
6)
Cigarette looking diminished.
7)
Both ELLEN and JOE looking towards ALAN RICKMAN who is off panel.
ELLEN DIALOGUE
Nice guy.
JOE DIALOGUE
Yeah. If this was a comic though do you think it would be kinda random just dropping in a celebrity?
ELLEN DIALOGUE
No I think any intelligent reader would understand the writer’s attempt at appealing to Alan Rickman fans while adding a fun element to the story.
JOE DIALOGUE
Yeah I suppose. Its not like it’s going for that Morecombe and Wise thing in From Hell.
ELLEN DIALOGUE
Never read it.
8)
Cigarette almost finished.
PAGE SIX
Six panels, 2x3
1)
ELLEN smokes her final drag.
ELLEN DIALOGUE
That was good. Thanks for the hook up man.
2)
The green behind them starts to fill with children of about eight or nine. The panel should be between them so we can just see the edges of JOE and ELLEN’s bodies.
ELLEN DIALOGUE
Ah fuck. It the Damien squad.
3)
One of the children is walking towards them. He’s midget height, 9 years old. His name is EOIN. This panel is the same as number two on this page with both ELLEN and JOE barely in panel.
JOE THOUGHT
This little shit is Eoin. We mistakenly gave him chewing gum a few weeks ago and now he won’t stop pestering us.
EOIN DIALOGUE
Oy knackers you got any sweets on yous?
ELLEN DIALOGUE
Fuck off little dude.
EOIN DIALOGUE
I’m not little. I’m fecking nine!
JOE DIALOGUE
You speak to your mother with that mouth?! We don’t have any sweets for you. Bugger off!
4)
EOIN is now sitting beside them. He’s looking up at JOE who’s still smoking.
EOIN DIALOGUE
Can I have a ciggie?
5)
JOE looks down at him with contempt.
JOE DIALOGUE
No. Go back and play with your friends. We’re having a DMC.
EOIN DIALOGUE
Deep… Mouthful of Cock?
JOE DIALOGUE
Yes exactly. You’re interrupting my blowjob!
6)
EOIN is running back to his friends, a few of whom have stopped playing football to gawk at ELLEN and JOE.
EOIN DIALOGUE
They’re gonna have sex!
PAGE SEVEN
Four panels, two horizontal.
1)
The group of children is looking over at JOE and ELLEN with interest. We can see JOE laughing hard on the wall and also ELLEN, who doesn’t think it’s very funny.
JOE DIALOGUE
Ha!
ELLEN DIALOGUE
We should probably get moving. They’ll all be over to gawk at us.
2)
JOE realizing that his joke hasn’t gone down very well is looking at her.
JOE DIALOGUE
Do you want to go down to Jackson’s?
JOE THOUGHT
Jackson’s was this little shop with the largest selection of cigarettes across the eastern seaboard.
3)
ELLEN musing slowly.
ELLEN DIALOGUE
Yeah. I need to get some chocolate anyway.
JOE DIALOGUE
Want another cigarette while walk?
4)
JOE passing ELLEN another cigarette. They’re walking down the path from the wall, which they were sitting on. Ahead about two hundred yards away is a nursery. We can’t see the sign for it yet.
PAGE EIGHT
Six panels. One horizontal, then three in a row, then two horizontal panels.
1)
JOE and ELLEN are now just outside the nursery. A big sign in very bright letters reads: LITTLE HANDS, LITTLE FEET. It’s a large building made almost completely of glass.
JOE DIALOGUE
Shit. What if one of them sees us?
2)
ELLEN’s head turned towards JOE. She’s smiling
ELLEN DIALOGUE
Don’t worry. Look do this.
3)
ELLEN’s outstretched hand. The cigarette is in her hand but in reverse so from the front it looks like there isn’t a cigarette in her hand. It’s cupped between her index and her middle finger.
ELLEN DIALOGUE
You just cup it from the other side of your fingers. They won’t notice.
4)
JOE rearranging the cigarette.
5)
Close up on both of their hands a bit like in panel two of page two. Their hands still aren’t touching. Both have their cigarettes cupped in the palms of their hands. This is the money shot as they call it in the porn industry. Its horizontal and should really be larger than any other panel on the page.
ELLEN DIALOGUE
See? Perfect.
6)
They are both just about to turn the corner
ELLEN DIALOGUE
So what are you getting?
JOE DIALOGUE
Chocolate. I just crave loads of it after a cigarette!
PAGE NINE
Three panels. All horizontal.
1)
The two of them are walking back up the path. They’re both laughing. JOE’s holding a shopping bag.
TIME PANEL
10 minutes later.
ELLEN DIALOGUE
And then she says oh it’s probably just the taps!
JOE DIALOGUE
Ha!
Same again tomorrow?
2)
ELLEN smiling and walking away.
ELLEN DIALOGUE
Yeah why not?
I’m gonna go up to the gym, do some running.
3)
JOE looking at her.
JOE DIALOGUE
Enjoy that! See you later.
ELLEN DIALOGUE
See you later Average Joe!
JOE THOUGHT
I never saw her again. She was run over by a Renault Scenic that didn’t stop. I think it was the last time I enjoyed a cigarette.
